told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
