At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
