think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
