Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
