i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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