So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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