I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
