I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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