I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
