It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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