I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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