ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
