God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
