i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
