I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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