Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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