Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
