I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
