I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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