You really coming over, don't trick.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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