so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you would pick up someone in the library
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
