just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
