Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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