If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
