I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
