why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
