I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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