I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
