today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
