I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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