there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
