he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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