somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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