I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize