weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
