3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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