She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
