I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so explain again why im purple
no
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
