I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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