If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
