How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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