Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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