so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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