I smell stomach acid.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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