What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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