There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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