11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
