Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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