The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
