He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
